6 May 2008  – Dad passes away unexpectedly

My father passed away suddenly from a pulmonary embolism and my life changed forever.


17 June 2008 – Resigned

I resigned from my work and started my own business.

August 2008 – Lung cancer

My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer.

21 December 2008 – Saying goodbye

I arrived at my home town – Welkom – to stay for about a month, as I knew my mother was going to pass away and to spend time with her. Also that I had to pack up her house and finalise her estate.

During the next ten days, I tended to my mother and saw how she deteriorated rapidly. Friends and family came to see my mother, saying their goodbyes.

She never once complained.

About three days before her passing, she lost her ability to speak and she required a lot of assistance and attention in those ten days. Due to her body weakening and the fact that she was seriously deprived of oxygen and her vital organs slowly giving in, she at times tried to strangle herself with her oxygen pipe or the cooler bag’s strap. I could not allow that – not that she had the strength to pull it off – but I made a point of keeping an eye on her, as much as I could.

At that time and before it, my sister – Jessica – and I was not very close at all. In fact, we argued about many things. Neither one of us was born again. I was very selfish at that time and did not quite know how to handle seeing my mother like that. I wanted to escape, but I couldn’t. Still mourning my father’s passing of seven months earlier… it was a lot to deal with.

I slept a few hours every night and on 31 December 2008, I asked my sister to come keep an eye on my mother, so I could sleep for a few hours. I was exhausted.

Jessica came and I slept the sleep of the dead. She had called the preacher to come read from the Bible and to pray for my mom because my sister recognised the end was near. The preacher was the preacher of my youth and I woke when I heard his voice. I thought that my mom was going to pass away immediately after being prayed for, as we often see in Hollywood movies. I tried to will myself up, my mind was clearly ordering my body to get up, but it could not. My entire body felt like lead. I could not even lift my pinkie. I panicked and prayed: Lord, please give me the strength to get up! Please let me see my mother one last time before she dies!

I heard the Holy Spirit say to me: “Your mother will breathe out her last breath at midnight tonight. Sleep on, my child.” At that time, it felt like a hand gently stroking my forehead.

I immediately relaxed and slipped back into a deep sleep. When I finally woke, it was late afternoon and I felt thoroughly rested. I told my sister that she can go back to her family and that I will tend to our mother further.

Because it was New Year’s Eve, I made a nice platter of fresh fruit for my mom. Some days she could only eat fruit and other days it would taste horrible and she would prefer fresh vegetables. Every day was different. When I got to her, at her room, her eyes were closed and I could smell death in her breath. I held a piece of watermelon to her lips and she managed to suck on it. She must have been extremely thirsty. I tried some of the other fruit, but the watermelon was the only fruit she could suck the juice out of. I started saying goodbye also.

I knew it was the last meal I would ever prepare for my mother, I took a picture of it.

I made myself a vegetable salad and a piece of meat and ate it by myself. For some reason, I was at peace – and that reason was that I knew God was in control. He had told me earlier that day and I knew then, even to this day, that I will see my mother again when Jesus comes to raise up the dead and take us home with Him.

After eating, I went to my mother’s room. At around 22:30 I noticed that she had fallen into a coma and I called a dear and wonderful friend of our family, Linda. She is a qualified nurse and offered to assist us at the time of my mother’s passing.  All throughout my mother’s illness, Linda had gone out of her way to help us and she truly holds a dear place in our hearts.

When Linda arrived, she told me to call Jessica and tell her to come, because the end is near. I did and she came.


31 December 2008 / 1 January 2009

Just before midnight, I went out of my mother’s room and stood at the front door, lighting a cigarette. Yes, I used to smoke – not a serious smoker – and I stopped around July 2014.

As I was standing at the front door, I heard cars hooting, people cheering and loads of crackers being fired. I realised: it’s midnight, mom is going to pass away. I flicked the cigarette into the garden and ran to her bedroom and as I looked in, Linda told me: it’s over, she has no more pain. I walked toward my mom’s bed, my sister grabbed me by the shoulders, gave a cry and pushed past me to get out of the room. I walked up to my mother and closed her eyes. I felt at peace and relieved that she no longer had to suffer any more pain.

My sister went back to her house, to her family while Linda and I dressed my mother. She was naked because she felt constricted and stifled by her clothes. It was the same for my father when he passed away. Both my parents left this world the same way they came into it.

I called the morgue and they came to fetch my mother’s body. Linda also left and I chose to stay alone at my mother’s house. It felt horrid being at her house and her not being there, but I felt happy that she was relieved of her pain. In the morning, I called friends and family to let them know that my mother had passed on. I spent the day with my sister and rested and started packing up the house, the next day.

19 January 2009 – Going home

On 19 January 2009, I had finished packing up my mother’s possessions, which were divided between myself and my sister. With my two cats packed in the car and my mother’s kitty coming home with me, I set off back home to Vanderbijlpark. My stepmom and a friend helped me get the furniture to Vanderbijlpark using a hired trailer.

The rest of 2009

In the months that followed, I was on a journey to finding out exactly who God is. I was very angry at Him for having taken both my parents, so quickly apart. I sought His face, I sought to see Him. I wanted Him to SHOW Himself to me. What loving God takes away the parents of two daughters, who NEED their parents?! Every day was a struggle to understand. I would crawl on the wooden floors of my house, crying, asking, begging to have them back. To tell them I love them, one more time. To hug them, to hear their voices.

Looking back, I realised that God had never left me. He stayed with me. He comforted me. Despite my anger towards Him, He stayed close. He carried me when I saw only one row of footprints in the sand.

I was busy squandering my inheritance money and my business was not doing too good either. I entered into a relationship and spent a lot of money until it was finished.

And when the money was finished, the relationship also ended, early in 2010.



2008/2009 2010/2011 2012 2013 2014 2015/2016 2017.01 – 06 2017.07 – 12
2018.01 – 03 2018.04 – 06 2018.07 – 09 2018.10 – 12 2019.01 – 03 2019.04 – 06 2019.07 – 09 2019.10 – 12

Salvation message plain