1 January 2018 – Missing Mom

This day it was nine years since my mom passed away. Just after her passing, I had packed up her house. Jess and I divided everything.  I packed a crate of papers:  games she played, stories she wrote, old magazines and storybooks and a drawing she had made many, many years before.  For nine years, I could not go through the contents of that crate.  But this year I decided to.  I cried a lot.  Missing her like crazy. Getting some insight into her life a few months before her passing away. Little notes she made to herself, reminders.  I scanned most of it and saved it to my laptop.

I wished that I had more compassion for my parents’ woundedness when they were alive. I did not understand their pain and problems. I was too selfish back then.  I bore the Christian title but because I was not born-again, I did not understand love, selflessness and seeing people through God’s eyes.  Through our own eyes, we stare ourselves blind at our own needs and hurts and it is the prominent issue of our lives.  But through God’s eyes, the pain that others experience, become so visible and often our problems pale in comparison to those of others.  Looking through God’s eyes changes our self-centered prayers into prayers for others.

I know I will see my parents in heaven one day and everything will be perfect. There will be joy only and no pain, sorrow or injustice.

After this day, there was a change in my longing for my mother. Though I always missed her, something was askew. On this day, I had closure.  There were still some forgiveness issues that I needed to sort out regarding my mother and up until this day, I seemed unable to get to the point of complete forgiveness.  Not just forgiveness toward her, but toward myself.  For many years I beat myself up, as having been this careless daughter who left her hometown and her family.  Satan reminded me often enough that I abandoned my family.  He pointed out all my mistakes.  But the Holy Spirit was also at work.  He was reminding me of the good things I did for my parents and how deeply I loved them, even at the times when it did not show.  At times I was blazé, but it did not change the core of my feelings for them: I loved my parents.  And still do.

On the day that they passed away, I celebrate them both and on their birthdays, I do the same. Also on Mother’s and Father’s Day.

The Bible teaches us in the fifth commandment to honour our parents that we may live long in the land that God gives us. The commandment says:  honour your parents.  Full stop. It does not say:  “honour your parents if they treat you well.”  Or “honour your parents if they are perfect”.  No, there is a very specific reason why God instructs us to honour our parents.  The invisible, inseparable bond between a parent and a child demands it of children.  We always hear of the love a parent has for a child, but that same love exists in a child for a parent, irrespective of whether a parent was a good parent or not.

Some people may say that they hate their parent/s, but deep in their hearts, it is their love for their parent/s that makes the rejection of them, so painful to the point of hatred which is actually contorted love and longing.

No matter how bad a parent is, God built into each child, the desire for both parent-figures based on Him as the ultimate parent-figure.

My dad abandoned us when I was ten years old and later in life, he tried to make up for it. He often moaned at me to spend some time with him, but I was spiteful and had the attitude of: “you did not spend time with me as a kid, why should I spend time with you?”   Yes, we spent some time together in general, but there were musical and photographic things my dad wanted to teach me and I did not always make the time for it as I should have.  After his passing, I longed to spend time with him.  I cried for many years for my lack of interest and willingness to spend time with him.  Here also I had to forgive myself for my hardness of heart.

For many years I wondered if I honored my parents sufficiently. Did I obey God’s commandment? I felt so self-justified because of the things my parents did wrong until one day it dawned on me:

Honor your father and mother. It is not a suggestion, it is a commandment.  If we honour our parents irrespective of whether they are good parents or not, God has a reward for us.  Our parents will stand before God for their deeds, just as we will.  Therefore we must focus on our own deeds, for which we have to give an account.  No one can stand in our place for us and we can stand in no one else’s place. Our parents will give an account of their deeds.  We will not give an account on their behalf.  The Bible does say:  work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.

Give your all in honouring your parents so you may not have any regrets later on in life or lose God’s reward or both. Ensure your obedience to God’s commandment. I believe that in doing so, some of the rewards will be amongst others that God will bless your parenting skills and in turn, your own children will honour you – the example you have set.  I believe that the ripple effect of this, goes very wide:  if all children honoured their parents, our societies would look completely different.

3 January 2018 – A passing comment

Today a rep from one of our supplier companies visited our offices. We spoke of the decline in the economy and he thought that the Patricia de Lille debacle that was taking place at the time, was one political party’s effort to discredit another as they rather wanted to spend money on the building of a nuclear plant instead of water purification plants.

4 January 2018 – All or nothing

At 06:15 on Radio Pulpit Janine was giving the morning devotion. She reiterated on the importance of giving all or nothing and bearing fruit outside of season.  To portray Jesus even in difficult circumstances.

Audio is in Afrikaans.

6 January 2018 – Announcement at church, forgiveness, forgive

On this Sabbath, an announcement was made for congregants to join, what we call in Afrikaans “Strewers” or “Baanbrekers”. The request was specifically regarding a need for teachers.

Holy Spirit said to me: make yourself available.
Me: Lord, I really can’t.  My diary is so hectic as it is.
Holy Spirit: make yourself available.

With a sigh, I decided to ignore the request, but in my heart I was debating this with the Lord. As always, I asked God to confirm that I had heard right.

After the announcements, the sermon started. Pastor Peter preached about forgiveness.  About how God forgives us and wipes away our sins completely.

Throughout the sermon, I kept having the feeling that I am going to have to forgive someone for something in the not too distant future. As God forgives me, I have to forgive those who hurt me, but that the hurt was still coming.

I went home after church and turned on the radio as I usually do.

At 14:35 on Radio Pulpit Pieter Barnard was hosting his show HospiVision and he was talking to a gentleman (if I recall correctly) and they were talking about implementing new ideas and being pathfinders.

Holy Spirit again said to me: Did you hear that?

Me: I did Lord.

Vaguely I remembered that the Strewers/Baanbrekers as we know it in Afrikaans is called Pathfinders in English. So I considered it as one of how the Lord was confirming with me that He really wanted me to avail myself as a teacher for Pathfinders.
At 15:50 on Pulpit Johann Els hosted his show and his very specific words were “speak words of grace”. It reminded me of the morning’s sermon of forgiveness and how words of grace tied in with forgiveness.
At 16:20 there was a repeat of Murray Louw’s show on strategy and if the Lord gives us a task, we must take it on.

My notes of the Sabbath of 6 January were written in the space of the 7th in my diary as I had scribbled some other notes on the 6th and filled all the space.  My notes of the 7th were written in the open space of the 5th in my diary.

7 January 2018 – Being a pioneer

It was 06:55 on Radio Pulpit when Ayanda was talking to a gentleman about building and being a pioneer. Holy Spirit drew my attention to this, specifically the word Pioneer.
At 09:15 Braam Klopper mentioned in his program the verse about the heart of stone being removed and being given a heart of flesh. He talked about how Dr. Chris Barnard was a pioneer in heart transplants having done the first ever.  Here again, the Holy Spirit pointed out the word “pioneer”.

9 January 2018 – 1 000 May Fall, 10 000 at Your Right

It was around 07:30 when Radio Pulpit played Joe Niemand’s song “Ek sal nie bang wees nie”. It contains words from Psalm 91 and my attention was very specifically caught by the part about a 1 000 falling at my side and 10 000 at my right hand.  The lyrics are below, in Afrikaans:

Ek Sal Nie Bang Wees Nie – Joe Niemand

Hy wat in die skadu van die Allerhoogste sit in die geheime plek

Sal vir God kan sê:

U is my bergvesting

My toevlug op wie ek vertrou

Want U

U sal my kom haal

Uit die diepste donker plekke waar ek

Omring word deur die doodsgevaar,

Ja, U vlerke vou my toe

Onder U troue vleuels vind ek my skuiling

U vere is my skild, my bevryding

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

Vir die onheil in die nag

Of verwoesting in die dag

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

Al val n duisend aan my sy

Of tienduisend hier langs my

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

En hier kruip ek weg

In die hoogtes by die Hoogste

Alles veilig in U hand

Buite die bereik van die vyand en sy magte

Omring deur engele aan elke kant

Want U, U laat my dra

Veilig oor alles wat verskeur, vergiftig

U vergruis elke aanval wat op my gerig is

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

Vir die onheil in die nag

Of verwoesting in die dag

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

Al val n duisend aan my sy

Of tienduisend hier langs my

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

U sal my red omdat U weet hoeveel ek U lief het

Omdat ek in alles op U vertrou

Sal U my veilig in die hoogtes hou

En wanneer ek weer die pad verloor

Sal U elke keer my noodkreet hoor

My verwoesting sal U elke keer, keer

En vir altyd my met U redding eer

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

Vir die onheil in die nag

Of verwoesting in die dag

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

Al val n duisend aan my sy

Of tienduisend hier langs my

Ek sal nie bang wees nie

That evening at around 18:00 I was listening to Radio Pulpit again and a song by Rhonda Gunn was played. Again, the same words came to my attention:   thousand may rise and ten thousand may fall.  See lyrics below:

God Is God – Rhonda Gunn

Questions swirling ’round my head

Got a heavy heart like a chunk of lead.

My hope’s hangin’ by a thread

And I feel like I’m losin’ the fight.

Answers come in a different way

Than how I asked when I prayed

Might have fainted and been gone today

If I hadn’t fought the good fight.

But all I can say…is

CHORUS:

God is God and in command

And He gives good things from his hand

Though sometimes it’s hard to understand

A thousand may rise and ten thousand may fall

But I am convinced I’ll remain in this call

And go tell the world, that through it all

God is God.

Just when I think I’ve learned what it’s all about

Along comes fear and along comes doubt.

Rocks my world and knocks me out

And I start all over again.

Seems round and round in a circle I go

But I’m gainin’ ground though it’s hard and slow

Compelled by love and all I know

Is I’d do it all over again.

And all I would say…is

CHORUS

He is high and lifted up

There is no other

After hearing this song, I searched for the scripture and found it in Psalm 91:7, 8:

A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

You will only look with your eyes

and see the recompense of the wicked.

I felt like it was a warning of something unpleasant coming my way, but that I was not to fear, as God is my first protector.

10 January 2018 – My Birthday, Nissan and an Unpleasant Day Turns Pleasant

My 40th birthday.  On my way to work, I was nearing a four-way stop.  As I slowed down, a brownish coloured Nissan came past me.  I looked at it as it started passing me on my right-hand side and then I looked back at the road, however, I could feel my eyes being drawn back to the Nissan.  As it drove out in front of me, my eye caught the word on the left-hand side of its rear:  Pathfinder.

I knew it was God’s last confirmation for me to make myself available as a teacher for Pathfinders at church. My mind was made up and apologised to the Lord for not having been obedient from the get-go.

As I walked in at the office, I was met by a thick, horrid, grumpy atmosphere. My manager was upset with me for having come in at 07:50 instead of 07:00 – though my working hours are only from 08:00.  We had a major argument and she threatened me, telling me that I must be very careful.  She did not wish me a happy birthday, nor did some of my other colleagues who are her buddies.  Initially, I was very upset and felt so unfairly treated.  But I decided that I was not going to allow satan to steal the joy out of this day.  I altered my posture and became chirpy, to the disgust of my manager.

At 14:30 I went home as I had an arrangement with my manager and I got ready for my birthday party. It was the first time probably in my life, that I had a party in the middle of the week, with a workday the following day.

I had only a hand full of my best friends there. Friends I have known for many years.  Pillars in my life.  Unfortunately, my sister and her family and some other significant people in my life, could not be there with me.

This gathering with my friends, was very important to me – as it was a special birthday and also the last day that I consumed alcohol. For many years I have prayed to God to help me stop using it, but I just never got it right.

Weeks, actually months, before my birthday, I had decided to take on a forty day fast, starting the day after my birthday. I was going to fast and pray for God’s hand in my life.  For me to stop using alcohol completely, for the restoration of my body and for a few other points of concern in my life.

Alcoholism is a major problem in South Africa and many, many other parts of the world. Even under Christians.  I grew up with alcohol and there were a few alcoholics in my family – on my mother’s side.  For many years I experienced the Lord telling me to completely stop using alcohol and for many years I tried.  I cried.  I begged for help.  But I just never was in control of my alcohol use.  I would buy less alcohol, to try and control my consumption, but then there would be times when I would binge.  No matter what I did, I battled to stop completely.

Every time I would try to control my consumption, the words of Pastor Peter would ring so clearly in my ears: It only takes one sip.  He said those words on three very different occasions:  one directly to me, as we were walking to our cars after a meeting and twice in sermons in two different churches.  The third time he said it, hit home.

I started thinking about “one sip” and the mode my body went into, after that one single sip. After taking that first sip, it would be as though my body would go into overdrive.  My taste buds would scream for more, as did the rest of my body.  And sometimes it would be out of control.  I realised with a shock that that very first sip, is the beginning of losing control.  It never stayed with just one sip.  I tried and tested it many times to the point where I realised that Peter was right:  just one sip is where it starts and spirals out of control.  I understand that there are people who can enjoy alcohol responsibly and who knows where to stop.  But for alcoholics, it is best to stop altogether.

Therefore, to control my consumption, I had to avoid that one, single first sip. I had to stop completely.

For months I prepared myself mentally for this major change in my life. I mourned the fact that I will never use alcohol again.  Yes, I mourned.  There were times that alcohol was enjoyable and did make my heart merry.  But those times would be no more, as the beast of alcoholism would not let go of its grip on me, the second I take a sip.  I mourned for the stupid things I did under the influence of alcohol and I mourned for this old life that I was leaving behind for a new one.

And I was a little bit afraid of the unknown.

A life without alcohol. What would it be like?

I was four or five years old when I had to go pour my mother some wine from her box. The box was standing on the cupboard, the wine was warm, it was a hot summer’s day.  I filled the glass, a normal one, not a wine glass and thought:  “I wonder what this tastes like?”  So I downed half the glass and thought “I better fill this up again, Mother will notice”.  Then I thought:  “I wonder if this tastes the same?”  So I down another half of that glass.  I repeated the same two more times.  I had in effect downed two glasses of warm wine.  I then thought:  “I better get back, they are going to wonder why I am taking so long”.  So I took the wine back to my mother and then it hit me … I sat on one of our little chairs, the ones with round bar framing and wooden planks.  The one leg at the back dug into the ground and I was leaning back on it, head backward, semi passed out in the sun while the little girl next door was chatting her head off.  My parents obviously realised that I had some of my mother’s wine.  My dad called me to come to eat and I got up and sat down, but I was not very hungry.  I was busy eating a chicken drumstick, but the smell made me feel sick.  My parents struggled to get me to eat and this time around I thought my dad was going to fight with me again.  But he did not.  He thought it was quite funny and he was very kind to me.  He said:  “are you not hungry?”  I clearly remember just being able to shake my head sideways.  He then said:  do you want to go take a swim?”  Again, I clearly remember just being able to nod.  I got up and at that time we still had one of those plastic pools with the wireframes.  I put my one leg over and just toppled over into the water.  Immediately I pulled myself up on the side of the pool’s frame, put my head over the edge and vomited on the grass.

Yes, this happened when I was about four or five years old. Probably when I was five.  It was before we put the big pool in, which was the year I went to school, just as I turned six.  Even though I was so little, I remember it as clearly as though it has just happened.

My parents were not bad parents, just sometimes a bit negligent. And absent.  They were the best parents they knew how to be, in all their woundedness.

So, the decision was final: the day after my fortieth birthday, I would start a forty day fast.  And one of the aspects I trusted God for, was to stop drinking completely.

On this morning, the Word for Today was: God wants to set you free.  How applicable on the last day in my life, of using alcohol.  He is faithful.  These messages are prepared months in advance and I believe God specifically put this one in place for my birthday and to let me know that He will help me and will set me free from alcohol.

The visit with my friends was really nice and just before we were about to finish, the entire city’s power went out. Despite that, my heart was filled with joy as I had a great time with my friends and I was looking forward to what lay ahead.

11 January 2018 – Fasting Forty Days – again

I started my second forty day fast. It took months of mental preparation and the day finally arrived.  There was no backing out.  I prayed to God to help me stop drinking and within four days, my entire mindset about alcohol had completely changed!!  It was a miracle!  I used to make silly jokes like:  “I need a drink now” or “I need to put something stronger in my coffee”.  Within four days, that was gone completely.  My craving for alcohol was gone.  There were no withdrawal symptoms.  And when the thought of alcohol would arise, it would disappear just as quickly and be wiped from my mind as though it never happened.

I am behind on updating my testimony on this site.  It is now 25 August 2018 that I am typing this and to this day, I have not had a single drop, let alone a sip, of alcohol.

I have managed to lose weight because of not drinking. Yes, drinking makes it harder to lose weight as the body shuts down 75 % of its ability to break down fat after the first glass of wine.

My friends are surprised that I managed to stop and I am so grateful to God for having helped me. And I am also grateful to Pastor Peter for his role in this and the effect his words had on me.

For the rest of the fast, I really struggled. I achieved the main goal that I set out to achieve, however, I was getting extremely hungry and I did have a few meals.  I did not nearly do as well on this fast as far as not eating was concerned as I did with my first forty day fast in 2012.  But I think the fact that I was not drinking anymore, brought about some serious changes to my body.

Irrespective, God sees the inward observances of our hearts and honours our motives if they are pure even though we may fail, He is a supportive, loving Father.

12 January 2018 – Ezekiel 36

Just after 06:00 on Radio Pulpit Wynand Rossouw’s morning devotion was a powerful message from Ezekiel 36:21. Have a listen below.

13 January 2018 – To such belongs the kingdom of heaven

I had scribbled the day’s sermon in the space on Saturday and Sunday in my diary, so I wrote Saturday and Sunday’s happenings on Friday’s space.
At 18:08 I posted a video on our church’s Whatsapp youth group. It is of a little boy who sings praise to the Lord (in Afrikaans).  This little boy was really living it up in his praises.  Certain of who he is in Christ.  My sister initially sent me this video clip with the caption:  To such belongs the Kingdom.
Later that night, I had randomly picked a movie to watch. I call it my Jesus-movies.  I have a large collection of Christian films and enjoy watching them, even if I sometimes watch the same ones over and over.
I can not remember which movie I was watching – possibly the Book of Matthew by Reghardt van den Bergh. My attention was very specifically focused on the part where Jesus said:  suffer not the children …. to such belongs the Kingdom.

14 January 2018 – Frisco in terrible pain

Frisco is my beloved cat, whom I have had since the year 2000. We have come a long way and he has reached a ripe age for a kitty.  He is the equivalent of 90+ years in human years.  He talks to me and keeps me company and comforts me when I cry.  Yes, when I cry, he rushes to me – even if he is sleeping, he’ll wake up and hurriedly come to me.  If I am lying on my bed crying, he would gently put his paw on my face to make me stop.  I love this furball of mine, so much!  I called him Frisco because he is the colour of Frisco coffee.  He sleeps with me on my bed and he is a spoilt brat – rather spoilt cat.

It was around 02:00 when I heard him growl quietly next to my head. He climbed off the bed and shortly after he was scuffling next to my bed on the floor. I thought he was in a fight with another cat that perhaps had come in to eat his food.  I only once caught another cat inside my flat, so I thought it strange.

I smacked the light on and looked to where the sound was coming from. Frisco was lying on his side, kicking with his hind legs, gasping for air.  I grabbed him and put my finger in his mouth to feel if anything was blocking his airway – it looked like he was suffocating.  He bit me and the blood came pouring from my finger.  I looked inside his mouth and saw nothing.
I gently put him on the floor and sat back on the bed as he just lay quietly, gasping for air. As I sat back, I thought:  this is it, it’s the end.  I felt how I steeled myself for the worst, not sure what to expect.
Finally, he got his breath back and ended up leaning sideways and slightly propped up against the bed. He had wet himself from the pain.
After a little while he got up and meowed very loudly, walking in circles as though trying to reach the base of his tail.
That’s when I got slightly frantic. I tried calling the vet’s emergency number – at 02:00 – but no one answered.  I prayed and prayed and prayed.  My mind was racing:  what could be the matter.  I thought that perhaps it was kidney stones.
After a while Frisco was okay. I made him something special to eat and he ate it all up and was purring again.
I was puzzled. After he had eaten, I took him back to bed and we went back to sleep as though nothing was wrong.

14 January 2018 – Be like a child, for to such belongs the kingdom

It was a Sunday morning and I was listening to Radio Pulpit. The song The Wonder Of The Cross by Vicky Beeching was playing and Holy Spirit brought my focus to it.

The Wonder Of The Cross – Vicky Beeching

O precious sight, my Savior stands,

Dying for me with outstretched hands.

O precious sight, I love to gaze,

Remembering salvation’s day,

Remembering salvation’s day.

Though my eyes linger on this scene,

May passing time and years not steal

The power with which it impacts me,

The freshness of its mystery,

The freshness of its mystery.

May I never lose the wonder,

The wonder of the cross.

May I see it like the first time

Standing as a sinner lost,

Undone by mercy and left speechless,

Watching wide eyed at the cost.

May I never lose the wonder,

The wonder of the cross.

The words of this song reminded me to be like a child. The words “May passing time and years not steal, the power with which it impacts me” and “Watching wide-eyed at the cost” as children sometimes do at something amazing, reminded me that we must trust the Lord, like children, no matter what comes our way.  The verses, to such belong the Kingdom, also came to mind again.

Life throws difficulties our way and we become hard and bitter. We lose our innocent, wide-eyed, childlike trust in people, even in God.
The Lord reminded me that we can trust Him, for He promises to never leave nor forsake us. Even when it feels like He is far away because we are of little faith.  He is always near.

14 January 2018 – Forgive, peace, unity in the body of Christ

A little later that morning, I was listening to the sermon on Radio Pulpit. The theme was about forgiveness and peace.
At 10:15 Werner Swart was saying in his program that Christians have to hear from God Himself. I took it to mean that we as Christians are to stand in our own relationship with God, no one can do it for us.  And whatever instruction God gives us, we must follow them.  Also, we must hear from
God and not always run to other sources, such as Google, the news, other persons.  God’s Word must be our main source of information.
Right after that, at 10:30, Franz Greffrath was talking about the purifying of the Bride and that the entire church must work together.
For many years I have been saying this and I am saying it again: Jesus said He is coming for His BRIDE.  Not brideS.  One Bride.  I believe that it is vital for Christians to come in line with God’s will and to do His commandments, as He told us if we love Him.  (John 14:15 – If you love Me, you will keep My commandments).

14 January 2018 – Frisco to the vet

Our vet is in for an hour on Sundays and I made sure we were there. He examined Frisco and told me that he does not think it is kidney stones but that I should bring him in the morning for tests and x-rays.  He seemed fine the rest of the time, but I still needed to know what was causing him so much pain.

15, 16 January 2018 – Frisco’s check-up, bad news

I arranged with my manager to go in a little later, as I needed to take Frisco in for a check-up and the vet only opened at 08:00. I dropped him off and went to work.

After work, I went back to the vet to collect him and the vet told me that he did blood tests, the urine is fine. Kidneys are medium okay – good for his age. Ears are good and eyes are still good for his age, although I see a white glaze forming in his eyes.

But the reason for his pain was this: due to age and instability in the lower back, little bones grow out of the spinal bone, toward each other and finally fuse against each other.  However, in the process, it can either pinch the spine or stick into the spine causing excruciating pain, which would cause him to gasp for air and wet himself.

The bones can be removed via operation, but they will only grow back again. Besides he is too old for such an operation and will probably not survive it.  And it would be extremely costly.

The only solution was pain medication on a chronic basis. However, I was only to use the pain meds for a few days and then as necessary.

This was really bad news, as I had no idea how often he would be in such seizures of pain or whether he was constantly in pain. Also, I was concerned that medium to long term use of pain meds, would mess up his kidneys and other organs.

At home, he was still heavily sedated from the anesthesia. He was trying to walk but would fall over. He bumped his nose so hard on the tiles, that I cringed.  That one second I was not with him.  I tried to make him lie down, but he refused.  He wanted to get up and walk around.  Like a drunk person on a mission.  I could not keep him still and was afraid he would injure himself again. 

I sent my manager a message asking for a day’s leave the next day to be with my cat. I was afraid he might want to drink water and pass out and drown.  He is my baby after all.

Because he insisted on walking around and not being still, I decided to make us a bed on the floor between my fridge and the chest freezer. I packed items around, so I created a play-pin effect with blankets and towels on the floor for softness in case he would bump his nose again. It was going to be a looooooong night.

After checking that everything was secure and that he would not be able to get out, because believe me, in his drunken state, he did manage to escape once from my little set-up, I got down onto my floor-bed and tried to get some sleep. With much emphasis on “try”.

Frisco was walking round and round me, past my head, then over my legs. All around clockwise, the whole time.  Then he would be exhausted and slump down on my legs and lay there for a while.  I’d be thinking:  I hope he’ll get some sleep now.  We’re both so tired.
But alas, shortly after, he would go again, anti-clockwise. Round and round and round.
Somehow we made it to the morning and I knew he needed to hydrate and eat something, but he was still very drowsy. I took a syringe and poured some water into his mouth, which he promptly vomited out.  Throughout all this time, the entire night and even when he was vomiting, my heart was saying:  Help me Lord, please help me.
On my own, I feel incompetent and uncertain of what to do. Hence my constant prayer for God to show and guide me in everything I do.  For wisdom and good sense and care and courage.
I was worried that Frisco was not keeping the water in, as he normally in the past after anesthesia would not keep food in but only water. And water is crucial.  I decided to make his food nice and soggy like porridge and I managed to give him some of that.  He started eating a little on his own and kept that down.
After a while I gave him water and he kept that down also. He gradually eased out of the drowsiness but was still unsteady on his feet for most the day.
I gave him the pain meds for a week, then I stopped for a week. Afterward, I would give it again for a week and then I stopped altogether as he seemed fine.

16 January 2018 – Be courageous and very brave

Joyce Meyer’s insert on Radio Pulpit this day was about God telling Joshua that He will never leave him and that Joshua had to be courageous and very brave. I remembered that I had received that verse a few times before in the week from different avenues – Whatsapp’s, the radio, etc and every time I received it, the word VERY would be punctuated.
Unfortunately, I was quite slack the week before and did not make notes as I should have.
I also could not help thinking: I wonder what’s coming now?
At around 11:45 on Pulpit Wynand and Matt were talking about the young pastor Timothy in the Bible and my attention was brought to it. Earlier in the week, something else about Timothy came up, but – as mentioned earlier – I was slack in taking notes.  But in both instances my attention was brought to it.
At around 15:40 I was busy listening through a series by Dr. Michelle K Strydom. Her work has given me much insight into the physical, spiritual and emotional connection in our bodies.  In this teaching she was talking about new insights into cancer, as discovered by an American pastor Henry Wright.  I have heard of his work in the past and believe God has blessed him with much wisdom and revelation.
At one point, Michelle was quoting Psalm 91:7 – A thousand may fall at your side, And ten thousand at your right hand; But it shall not come near you. My attention was brought to that verse.
I had a vague notion that something is coming up. Be strong and very courageous and now Psalm 91:7.  I started having a slightly uneasy feeling on the one hand, but peace on the other, knowing that God is with me, no matter what.

18 January 2018 – Victor, victory, victoriously

At 18:00 on Radio Pulpit, a song about living victoriously, was playing. My attention was brought to it, as well as the several other times in the week that the words victor, victory, victorious or victoriously had come up.  My attention was drawn to each time, but I did not note it.  (As mentioned before, I was slack in taking notes the week before).
Just twenty minutes later I received a video on Whatsapp about being strong and courageous while the backing music used was Rachel Platten’s “This is my fight song”.

By this time I was pretty convinced that God is preparing my heart for something that is coming up. Some sort of battle where I need to be courageous and will obtain victory.

20 January 2018 – Pioneer

It was my first day at Pathfinders and I was assigned to the Pioneer group. I could only smile at the Lord the moment I was assigned.  Just earlier the month, the word Pioneer popped up several times and Holy Spirit drew my attention to it.  I did not quite understand at the time, until this day.
God knows the beginning from the end and everything in between. The hairs on our heads, the intentions and desires of our hearts, the thoughts of our minds, the works of our hands.
He … knows … everything!
What a comfort to realise that I serve the living, all-knowing, omnipresent, omnipotent God, creator of the universe. Lover of my soul.

21 January 2018 – Be strong and courageous

On Sunday at 12:50 I was listening to Murray Louw’s program in Afrikaans and he quoted the same passage about being strong and courageous.

24 January 2018 – The fight begins

At work, I catch a ride with a colleague and I get to work an hour and twenty minutes before I have to start working. I have a book that I was working through, so for that time I would sit in one of the offices and read through it.  However, my colleagues would not grant me that time and would always come to get me to do things that they can not do.
The reason I was at work so early, was because I was riding with one of the reps who lived around the corner from me. This morning I asked him if I may finish my daily study in the car, as I wanted to finish the book.
The piece I was reading about that day, was about Jesus’ feet being feet of obedience. Another message I also received that morning from a friend in church was the verse about how lovely the feet are of those who carry the message of peace.
When it was time for me to start working, I walked into the office and greeted my colleagues, but was not greeted back.
That afternoon I was sent an e-mail by a colleague that I may no longer travel with the rep and that I have to use my own transport as of the next day.
At that moment I knew that the fight had begun. The victimization and the persecution started.

25 January 2018 – Habakkuk 3:17 – God is your source

In the past, I had worked for a company that builds houses, but due to the poor economy, indebtedness of prospective homeowners and a few bad business decisions, the business was declining rapidly. I had the feeling that the company was going to close down.  At that time, I was getting Habakkuk 3:17 a lot and ever since I have connected that verse to losing my job.  I believe it is God’s way of warning me to prepare.  It has happened three times and every time it was a spot on warning.
This specific morning, I was preparing to go to work and had to travel in my own car, as I had been forbidden to travel with my colleague. I left home about an hour later than I normally would.  My colleague loved to be super early for work, plus he started an hour before me.
I was listening to Radio Pulpit and Habakkuk 3:17 popped up. A little later on Janine van Niekerk said something in the line of:  “your pay cheque comes from God.  If you should get fired, your job is not your source, God is.”
A little later on at 07:15 she also said to be patient during the persecution.
At 7:25 Liesel Krause Wiid was saying to let go and let God.
And at 07:29 my friend Henru sent me an audio clip by Derek Prince on trusting God.

Derek Prince

Two very important points stood out for me that morning: that I will be persecuted at my workplace in the days/weeks/months to follow and probably will lose my job because of it and secondly that if I had traveled with the rep as I usually did, I would have missed this message.  In that, God proved again in even on such a small scale, that He makes all things work together for those who love Him.  So much more at the end of time when Jesus comes to fetch us.  No matter how bleak the future looks, no matter the hardships we have to face – it will all turn out, not for the better, but for the best.  Because God said so!  His word is Yes and Amen (2 Corinthians 1:20) and He will never turn back on His word, for He is not a man that he should lie.  (Numbers 23:19).

26 January 2018 – Be merciful, so you may receive mercy

On Pulpit at 06:20 Wynand Rossouw said in his morning devotion to be merciful in order to receive mercy. I felt as though God was reminding me to fight my battle but to fight in love.

29 January 2018 – Test yourself and be anxious for nothing

On Radio Pulpit, Wynand’s morning devotion was about 2 Corinthians 13:5 – Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!
Also Philippians 4:6 – 8 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
This morning I experienced that it is very important to ensure that I am deeply rooted in Christ and that my motives are pure in everything that I do.
Also that God can be trusted for anything and everything, no matter what. He is the Judge and He is fair.
Having had a foretaste of the unfair treatment at my workplace, I knew that I had to rise above my own unhappiness and shine the love and light of Jesus despite the treatment I was getting. I also knew that it would be a test of whether I really was in the faith and whether Jesus really was in me or not.  As hard as it would get, I had to portray His love, forgiveness and longsuffering as He did even on the cross.

 

 

1 February 2018 – Your enemies will come at you from one direction and flee in many – Deuteronomy 28:7, Habakkuk 3:17 – 19

In this morning’s devotion on Radio Pulpit – in Afrikaans – Johan Els quoted Deuteronomy 28:7 – that your enemies will come at you from one direction and flee in many.
Deuteronomy 28:7 – “The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.
He also quoted from Numbers 6:24 – 27 that the Lord will fight for you or as he said it in Afrikaans; “jou God sal vir jou stry en jou saak behartig.
I experienced the Holy Spirit’s reassurance that no matter who or what comes against me, the Lord is with me. He sees – El Roi.  He knows and He will fight the battles ahead.  Especially as I was expecting trouble at work.
Just before I had to leave for work at around 07:30, Liesl Krause Wiid quoted Habakkuk 3:17 – Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.  God, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer’s;  He makes me tread on my high places.
In the past, it has happened twice that these verses popped up, just before I would lose my job. Once I was employed by a man who wanted more from me than I was prepared to give and he fired me and another time I worked for a man who simply disappeared, owing me and many of his clients a lot of money.
On both occasions Habakkuk 3:17 appeared and in both instances I understood that trouble was coming and that I had to be prepared to lose my job and still trust God for my income.
In this case, I became intensely aware that hard times are ahead at my workplace and that I will probably end up losing my job. Some of my colleagues set out to make my life difficult and I had to steel myself for what lay ahead.

2 February 2018 – God is my refuge   

During this morning’s devotion, Johan Els quoted Psalm 62:5-8 and Psalm 94:22 which states that God is my refuge. Psalm 40:2
Psalm 62:5 For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. 6 He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.  7 On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.  8 Trust in him at all times, O people;  pour out your heart before him;  God is a refuge for us. Selah
Psalm 94:2 – But the Lord has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge.
Psalm 40:2 – He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
My friend at church, aunt Marie, sent me Psalm 63:8, 9 on Whatsapp.
Psalm 63:8, 9 – My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. But those who seek to destroy my life shall go down into the depths of the earth;
I was feeling desperately anxious, but through these messages, God was reminding me WHO HE IS! He is the GREAT I AM.  The God of heaven and earth.  Nothing is impossible for Him, even when the situation looks bleak and scary – He NEVER loses control.  Ever.  No matter what life throws at you, with God, you will be supported and strengthened.
REMEMBER: Our time on Earth is of a passing nature.  It is temporary.  This pain, humiliation, hurt … it will pass and after this life, there will be an eternity with the ever-loving, ever-lasting God of the universe.  No pain, no tears, no sorrow.  Just joy, peace and happiness!!
Sometimes it is hard to keep on keeping on, but I urge you to endure. Run the race to the end.  Your reward will be WORTH IT!

4 February 2018 – Your enemies will come from one direction and scatter in many fleeing!  

Ayanda Nenemba was presenting on Radio Pulpit this morning and at 06:58 she too quoted Deuteronomy 28:7 saying that my enemies will come at me from one direction and scatter in many.
Deuteronomy 28:7 – “The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.
This verse was first given to me a few days earlier and I took note of it. As I may have mentioned before in my testimony, the Lord often repeats a verse to me, when He wants me to seriously take note of His message.

5 February 2018 – To resign or not to resign

Being desperately unhappy, I was praying to God about my work situation. I so badly wanted to resign.  This morning, very specifically I pleaded with God to give me a sign.  I wanted to quit my job, but I did not want to go against God’s will.
Wynand Rossouw of Radio Pulpit was reading a Whatsapp message from another listener in Potch who was also in difficult working conditions and who was also considering quitting their job. My heart went out to that person, as I knew exactly what they were going through.  I can’t help wondering what is going on within many companies that so many people are being so badly treated.
Wynand’s response to that message was: do not throw away your old shoes before you have new shoes.
I knew it was the answer God had given me too. The answer was “No”.  I may not resign.
I said to the Lord: I understand.  His response was:  stay in the persecution until the persecution ends.
My heart was heavy. I did not want to stay in the persecution.  I wanted the easy way out.  The quick fix.  But I also knew that a quick fix like resigning will have negative consequences later on.  I had to stay, much as I hated it.  The people I work with, are wicked.  Christians by name, but not by deed.  They lie, they steal and they are corrupt.
As I was riding my motorcycle to work, this song came up in my spirit and I sang it all the way to work. I felt better.

 

 

6 February 2018 – A birthday message and a gift

A year earlier, the new preacher arrived at our church. A dynamic young man named Peter.
When I saw him for the first time, as he walked through the middle aisle onto the stage, I saw in my mind’s eye, a trail of authority following him. The certainty with which he stepped onto the little stage immediately reminded me of Joshua 1:3 – “Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given to you, just as I promised to Moses.” Also, other verses in Joshua 1 came to mind, however verse 3 was most prominent.  I had taken the liberty of telling Peter about what I experienced, but it looked almost as if he could not believe it.
On that day, it was Peter’s birthday. I had the radio switched on – Radio Pulpit – and was busy on my laptop when I heard the message by Olu M George who very specifically quoted verses from Joshua 1.  I felt as though the Lord was confirming my initial thoughts of Peter and doing so on his birthday.  I believe God has big plans for Peter and every time I hear these verses in Joshua, I am reminded of this.
Several weeks before Peter’s birthday, the Holy Spirit said to me: Give Peter a gift for his birthday.
Me: Excuse me, Lord?
Holy Spirit: Give Peter a gift for his birthday.
Me: I don’t think that is a good idea.  It is going to be awkward and I just about know nothing of him.
Holy Spirit: Give Peter a gift for his birthday.
After wrestling with the Lord about it for a few days, I decided to be obedient and do as He asked me to.
I had a dilemma. For almost two weeks I thought and thought of what to get and came up with nothing.  Nadda, zero, zilch.  So I consulted the Lord and asked Him what to get Peter.  His response was:  give him something of what you know best about him.  It didn’t take me too long to figure out what that was.  The greatest impression from Peter, which deeply impacted me, was when I experienced Christ in him.  He spoke with a tenderness that left me speechless and crying for days.  His voice carried authority, yet kindness and a great love for God’s word.  I could not help but think that it was the same way in which Jesus spoke to people and that being the reason it impacted me so deeply.
Having made a decision on what to give Peter, I searched the net for a picture of him and another picture which portrays Jesus and I combined half their faces. So the first half of the picture is the face of a man who portrayed Jesus in a movie and the second half is Peter’s.  I had to do quite of bit of design on it, sizing and resizing but finally had it perfect.  Then I gave it to a friend who made a pencil artwork of it.  I had it framed with a tag on it:  Christ in Peter
I was satisfied with the outcome and believed that it is a very special gift.
A gift straight from God’s heart.
What I also learnt from this, is that we do not see ourselves the way God sees us. Peter was in America during his birthday, so I only gave his gift when he returned.  He commented that he does not see himself in such a light, as Christ being so prominently in him.  It is a pity because we short change ourselves in every sense possible.  We should see ourselves as God sees us.
When we look at ourselves in a lesser way than God does, it reduces our ability to do all He wants us to do. Also, I think it reflects His greatness to a lesser degree.  Who and what God sees in us, is who He wants us to be so we may fulfil the calling He has placed on our lives.
God saw a leader in Gideon, but Gideon argued at first as he did not consider himself to be a leader. Yet he led the Israelites against the Midianites.  God called him a mighty man of valor.  Perhaps it was easier for Gideon to be brought to belief because the Lord Himself appeared to him telling him of his calling.  The majority of people do not have the privilege of receiving their calling directly from Jesus and thus, I assume, it is harder to believe our calling when it comes from different avenues.  But the Word of God remains the Word of God whether we believe it or not.  If God has a plan, He will see it through, no matter what.
The best we can do is to pray about it. Seek His guidance on the matter, listen and AVAIL ourselves to His service.
I believe God has placed a loving kindness in Peter, the same loving kindness that Jesus has and that God will use Peter to touch many desperate lives with His love. I pray often that Peter will step up and take ownership of his calling at the time God ordains it.
On this day, I received another message from aunt Marie, which repeated the Joshua verse of keeping God’s commandments. It was John 14:15 – If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
God’s commandments not only consists of the ten commandments as given to and by Moses, but it includes taking communion and going out making disciples and baptizing them in the Names of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. There are other commandments that Jesus gave as well and it is important that we as Christians study those and keep them.

 

10 February 2018 – Give honour to God

This was a brief period that I felt I might be wasting my time writing my testimony and whether it will ever mean anything to anyone. I had my doubts.
I was listening to Radio Pulpit when Holy Spirit pointed out to me Pieter Barnard’s words on testimonies: Give honour to God for all His good deeds.
The Bible clearly states that the Gospel is taken forth through testimonies. Through testifying, many people are brought to faith in Christ.  Christians are often shy to share the great things that God has done for them and I believe it is time that we as Christians revert back to a culture of testifying.  Even to complete strangers, irrespective of whether they are Christian or not.  Irrespective of whether we are rejected or not.  In the disciples’ prayer of Acts 4:29 they ask God to help them speak His word with ALL boldness (KJV).  Not just some boldness.  They went all out.  That is what it took, to launch the church out of the first century.
Andy Stanley so beautifully put it: the state in which we hand over the church, is the state in which the next generation is going to receive it and capitalize on.
I believe that Christians of today should pray for God to give us ALL boldness to share His Word, especially now in the closing stages of the end times.

12 February 2018 – 06 + 05 + 08 = 19

I did not note the exact day, it was around the 12th, so I scribbled it in on this day.

For many years, I felt that there was a significance to my father’s date of passing away. My mother’s passing was very significant because 1) God had told me several hours before the exact time that she would breathe her last and 2) that her last breath would be at exactly midnight as we entered from 2008 to 2009 into the new year.

I prayed and prayed and contemplated and tried to reason as to what the significance of my dad’s passing away date was. I checked all dates of significance and nothing added up. Still, I felt a hundred percent sure that there was major significance to 6 May 2008.  But what?  I even said to the Lord once:  Lord, what significance can there possibly be for 6 May 2008?  Yet I held it in my heart and waited on the Lord for the answer.

And the answer came.

Since God revealed my calling to me in 2012, I have been praying about it non-stop. I also asked more often than not:  when, Lord, when?

When is my time to bloom? That started in November 2017.  When will I be positioned for my calling?  When will things turn around for me? When, when, when?  When Lord when?

On a certain morning I had just woken up, well rested and my thoughts clear as the noonday sky when a maths calculation popped into my head: 6 + 5 = 11 + 8.  Instantly I knew it was the date of my father’s passing.  06.05.2008.  Again the numbers came:  6 + 5 = 11 + 8 but this time = 19 was added.  With a jerk I realised:  next year is 19!!

Over weeks and months I prayed about it and came to the conclusion that the time has come for me to stand in my calling and that 2019 is the year. I have no idea when in the year, but 2019 for sure.

15 February 2018 – God is in control

 

 

16 February 2018 – Hold on a little longer, If you believe, you will see the glory of God

As if to confirm how close I am to my life changing, the song Stronger by Mandisa played the next morning.  Sometimes I get tired of waiting and I ask God:  When Lord when?  The lyrics that stood out were “hold on just a little bit longer …it’s gonna end … God’s right there”

The morning’s devotion on Radio Pulpit further strengthened my trust and faith in God. Wynand Rossouw was talking about the death and resurrection of Lazarus and he very specifically pointed out John 11:40 – Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?”
Though it feels like a long time to wait, it is imperative to trust God and to believe every promise He made. He is not a man that He shall lie and His word is Yes and Amen.
Furthermore, John 41, 42 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”
Often it feels as though God does not hear our prayers, but He does. He hears, He sees, He knows.

 

 

 

19 February 2018 – Last day of fasting

On this day I finished my second 40 day fast.

20 February 2018 – A witch hunt

My first disciplinary hearing took place at work on 20 February 2018. I told the HR officer and managers that my disciplinary hearing is a witch hunt against me, that I have been unfairly treated and victimized.

5 March 2018 – Giving his gift

It was almost a month after his birthday, that I could give Peter his birthday gift. We spoke a bit and then he asked about my calling.  I could not tell him and quoted the verse that God had given me about casting pearls before swine.  He appeared a little offended by it, but I explained that it was the verse God had given me and that I do not refer to people as swine.
I told him of my Joshua 1 experience when I first saw him and then gave him his gift.

6, 7 March 2018 – Do not cast your pearls before swine and Joshua 1

Too many times, I feel as though I may have said something wrong or have spoken out of turn, but God very often confirms my words and settles my nerves.
I was worried about my swine comment the night before and lo and behold, God showed me that I was not wrong in saying what He had told me in the past. Johann Els of Radio Pulpit quoted the very same verse in Afrikaans.
I was also worried that perhaps Peter did not believe the experience I had of Joshua 1 and that I believe God has great plans for him. Right after Johann Els, was Fanie Coetzer’s insert and he specifically spoke of Joshua 1.
On the 7th, Charl du Toit and Janine van Niekerk read Joshua 1:1 – 9
Once again, God had set my mind at ease. What a kind and loving Father!
It is often my experience that when the Lord repeats something, then He is very serious about it and wants to draw our attention to it.

 

 

10 March 2018 – Lost and found

I like my watches. They’re old and they’re mine and I like them.  The loop of my watch had torn and fallen off and I was walking around, looking to see if I could find it, but alas.  It was gone.  I was sad and wondered how I was going to fix this problem.  The strap of my watch was held down by this loop and without it, the strap was protruding and bothersome.
A week later at church, walking toward the door, right in the open on the brick paving, laid my watch’s loop. I was happy to pick it up and felt like the lady in the parable who had lost her coin and found it again.
God hears our prayers. The big and the little ones.  He cares for our daily bread and our lifelong sustenance.  The small and the big.  All of it.  All the time.
Trust Him with everything.
Though we may feel defeated in this life, we have already won. Jesus died on the cross, He rose and He is coming back for us.  He wants us.  I am sure He must be so eager by now to come to get us.  I certainly am.  But in the meantime, there are lost souls to be harvested to the Kingdom of Light, so let us get busy sharing our testimonies, praying, believing and thanking God.

17 March 2018 – Seek ye first and a heart of flesh, Joshua again

Two verses regularly pop up and I feel as though it is God’s way of reminding me of them or to apply them. They are:
Matthew 6:33 – But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
And
Ezekiel 36:26 – And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
On Radio Pulpit, Berni Dymet’s insert was about Joshua and he quoted Joshua 18:3 – So Joshua said to the people of Israel, “How long will you put off going in to take possession of the land, which the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?
It seems that by nature, people are procrastinators. Procrastinating is easy.  Taking action is hard.  When procrastination is a habit, it may take a lot of discipline and a bit of time, to change the neurological patterns that hold us back from doing what we are called to do.
I believe satan counts on us to be lethargic in our Christianity, but God is faithful to jolt us into action. Most times the jolt is somewhat unpleasant but necessary.

18 March 2018 – Hold on to God’s promises

Angela Reed was saying over Radio Pulpit how Abraham trusted God and held on to his promises, even if they only were fulfilled years later.
It is my opinion that to get to God’s promises, we are required to not only believe but to take action. Abraham had to move.  It was one thing to believe it, but something completely different to do it.  To take action.
Ask God what His direction for your life is and take action.

25 March 2018 – Time to Move On

This morning’s Word for Today is:  Time to Move On

 

26 March 2018 – Second Hearing Notice, a witch hunt

On this day I received my second hearing notice at work. It reminded me of my first hearing where I stated that it was a witch hunt against me.
At home, I turned on the radio and heard on Pulpit News that Benjamin Netanyahu said that he was the victim of a witch hunt due to accusations against him.
I could not help but smile at the wordplay and how very aware the Lord is of everything going on.

29 March 2018 – Serve others

Liesl Krause Wiid’s insert on this day was about taking the focus off of ourselves and serving others. When we do this, it alleviates our own pain that we so easily focus on.  Seeing that other people also have hard times and difficulty, has a tendency to create more gratitude in our hearts.

2008/2009 2010/2011 2012 2013 2014 2015/2016 2017.01 – 06 2017.07 – 12
2018.01 – 03 2018.04 – 06 2018.07 – 09 2018.10 – 12 2019.01 – 03 2019.04 – 06 2019.07 – 09 2019.10 – 12

Salvation message plain