1 January 2019 – Celebrating my mother, Don’t lose hope

This year I decided to write less in my diary, however, I cannot say that the Lord instructed me to do so. Perhaps I am just tired … or disobedient.  Or both.  Nonetheless, I have placed here for public knowledge what I have written.  The rest I kept sealed in my heart for the appointed day.

On this day, it was the tenth anniversary of my mother’s passing. As I do every year, I celebrate my parents’ lives.

Also, on Radio Pulpit, Floyd McClung mentioned that any thought of hopelessness is not of God. At that time I was feeling extreme hopelessness and felt like giving up on all my hopes and dreams.

After that, Shae de la Hunt James’ A New Thing played on the Radio. That song reminds me that Jesus will do a new thing.

More often than not, it is so easy to get discouraged and for depression and negativity to sneak in. During such time, any encouragement is welcome and much encouragement is needed.

6 January 2019 – Jeremiah 1:5 – 8

Some time in the afternoon, whilst listening to Radio Pulpit, I picked up on Jeremiah 1:5 – 8:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Then I said, “Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.” But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a youth’; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the LORD.”

I have waited very long for many things and this was yet another reminder of God’s calling on my life.

7, 8, 9, 10, 11 January 2019 – Dream Killers

The planning for Word for Today, as written by Bob and Debby Gass, is done years in advance. It surprises me how God arranged for the most applicable messages to be published at a time I most need them.   And I am sure there are many others like me.

The messages for the next few days are about dream killers.

10 January 2019 – Keep the faith, Trust, You’re my Provider

My birthday, another day spent alone. Nothing special.  Many birthday wishes, yet I felt dead inside.  Unable to revive my spirit to feel excited about anything.  Numb and despondent.

This is the year we are supposed to shine and I cannot get myself picked up off the floor. Broken and shattered to the point of giving up hope.

Mostly I try to encourage everyone around me, but my own courage is fading. As Christians we are expected to always be happy, always smile, always have faith and always rejoice … but it is difficult when so many dreams are unrealised, nothing shapes up and it feels like everything goes wrong.  Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12.  My heart is in ICU and only Jesus can get me out.

If this is how I feel at the beginning of the year, how on earth am I going to make it through 2019?!

I discovered that my product supplier in the east, had been stealing my clients here in SA and I immediately cancelled all business relations with them. I suspected for two years that it was the case, but I could not be sure, until two separate clients contacted me with problems on their systems which they bought directly.  Before confronting my supplier, I sent a mail to ask if they were selling directly to clients in SA after which they replied “no”.  They lied to me and have for years, because I have asked in the past.  A ten year business relationship went down the drain.

My rent was only paid for half the month and my landlord was very upset about it. I suffered much from his swearing at me and his threats. I had to move and had nowhere to go and no money.  I was down and out and I wanted out.  I wanted to exit this planet and not suffer anymore.  The wicked and the Godless prosper and the children of God suffer.  My faith was severely under attack – my life for that matter.  At that time, ending it all seemed like a good idea, especially it being my birthday.  The pressure was so much and I cried most days the whole day long.  It was devastating.  I did not feel like asking for prayer or help of any sort.   Just wanted to crawl into a corner like a sick dog and die.

Very early on Radio Pulpit, Fanie Coetzer was saying that God hates the shedding of innocent blood. Immediately I felt convicted for my suicidal thoughts.  Despite all God’s good plans for me, I have sunken so low and deep down this dark pit, yet in my heart I knew it was and never will be an option.  My heart hurts for people who commit suicide because I understand a tiny bit of their frustration, desperation and despondency.  I can understand why people are pushed to such limits.  I do not condone it at all, but I understand something about almost losing hope completely, being on the brink of utter hopelessness.  I at least have constant encouragement through Radio Pulpit, family and friends.  But someone who has no one, or who has completely lost all hope, are at much higher risk of putting the words to the deed.

A little later the words “great exploits” from Word for Today caught my ear. See the message above for 10 January.  Holy Spirit pressed on my heart that God will use me for great exploits and that I must hold on.

After that a man named Paul Kruger said that we are to wait upon the Lord and during the birthday message just after that, Janine van Niekerk told the birthday lady: keep the faith, daughter.  She then played Casting Crowns’ “If we ever needed You”.  Then Joyce Meyer said that we must know God loves us and she spoke of how Abraham trusted God and moved as God said.  Later that morning, Bertha le Roux Waal said that we are to shine our light despite our circumstances.

I am often reminded of how Paul and Silas sang hymns at midnight, in prison, beaten and in pain. Modern day Christians lack this kind of faith.  It takes supernatural power from God to have this kind of unwavering faith and we should ask Him for it, every day.  On our own, we will never make it.  Also having so many miracles to back our faith, we actually have no excuse for having weak faith.

In the evening a song played on Radio Pulpit: “You’re my Provider” by Urban Rescue.

11 January 2019 – God is never late

On Radio Pulpit Angela Reed was saying that God is never late. It was a necessary reminder that He may take His time, but His time is perfect.

12 January 2019 – Help arrives

On this day, a couple in my church told me that they want to help me financially and they deposited an amount into my bank account, which allowed me to pay the rest of my rent and still had some left for food.

When God says He will provide, He does. Either directly or through the hearts of obedient children.

May God richly bless all the helpers and multiply their gifts, territory, their abundance and give them excellent health.

13 January 2019 – Be patient

Another helpful inspiration by Word for Today.

14 January 2019 – Receiving from God

And another.

15 January 2019 – Turn it over to God

And yet another.

22 January 2019 – God’s perfect plan

What happens when God’s will become a reality in my plans?

Johann Els’ devotion is in Afrikaans, so if you know Afrikaans, please have a listen.


27 January 2019 – Praying for a hurting man, my lost earring

A man named Hennie, came to the flea market and stood by our stall. He started talking to us and I felt hugely compelled to show him kindness and to pray for him.  I took him behind our stall and put my hand on his back.  I was overwhelmed by sadness for him and could not hold back the tears.  He also started crying.  There is so much woundedness in this world.  I invited him to our church and he came several times.  At one time he told me that Holy Spirit said to him whilst I was praying for him:  look, she is kneeling.  To which he responded, no.  Then Holy Spirit said again:  She is kneeling in the spirit.  Hearing him tell me this was very dear to my heart.  God sees us so differently to the way we or others see ourselves.  He sees our spirit.

The week before, I lost my earring. I had made them from pieces of costume jewellery that belonged to my mother and I was sentimental about it and I even called the flea market owner to ask his staff to look out for it when they packed up.  The whole week I was sad for losing my earring.

The next week, the entire day I was looking for it everywhere I walked. I walked across the street to the Checkers, from my car, through the flea market grounds, which is a school ground.  The devil kept telling me that it has been a week, some school kid would have picked it up and that will never find it again.  Yet I had that knowing which I have had so many times before.  It is hard to explain in words, but it is as though it is a known fact in my heart and not in my head.  The entire day I walked around knowing for a fact that I will find my earring and each time the devil would come against me trying to convince me otherwise.  Yet, I knew in my heart that I would find it.

By the end of the day, I started getting a little worried, but this certainty would well up again inside my chest.

We had already packed up the stall and were pushing aunt Marie’s trailer to be hooked onto her car. My head was tilted down and at that moment, I experienced my inner self saying:  “I am going to find my earring just now, I am going to find my earring just now!”  And then I felt my eyes being drawn – exactly the same way it was on 1 April 2013 when God wrote to me in the clouds – to a specific spot on the ground.  Right there, next to the brick that was placed behind the trailer to prevent it from rolling backward and slightly under a stone, lay my lost earring!  I grabbed it, wiped off the sand and exclaimed to aunt Marie:  “I found my earring, look.”  I told her that, seconds before seeing it, God confirmed that I was going to find it and how He drew my eyes to its exact location.

Though it is just a silly earring, it was God’s way of instilling in me again the reminder of His promises. He is not a man that He should lie.  What He says He will do, He does.


28 January 2019 – These dry bones

Lamentations 3:22, 23 – The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Ezekiel 37:1 – “The hand of the LORD was upon me, and He brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD and set me down in the middle of the valley; it was full of bones.” Can these bones live?

Wynand Rossouw’s morning devotion in English.

28 January 2019 – Ruth, look at the city of Joburg

The Pulpit team was talking about Egypt and then Sipho Kaleni mentioned Ruth and then he said: “Look at the city of Joburg”.

After December 2018, I have had the notion that I will be moving some time and it will be a long distance haul. God knowing how reluctant I am to uproot and how slow I can sometimes be to follow through on an instruction, has been priming me for a long haul move.  Over the months that followed, I have been sorting out boxes, crating more of my possessions and chucking out what was not needed.

My feeling is that I will be moving, in a Northerly direction. Perhaps Johannesburg, perhaps a little closer to the Vaal, but toward the east.

28 January 2019 – My Calling

This day I contacted a lady named Tessa, regarding my calling. I have not spoken to her in about six years, but found her number and still had it.  She confirmed that she remembered what I had told her about my calling about six or seven years before.

At the time, I was praying a lot about my calling, for God to give me clarity on what my next move should be.

I had one specific idea of what I thought had to happen, but – as often is the case – God’s idea was different and by far more superior.

At this stage, I do not share what my calling is.  Only selected few know about it.  When the time is right, it will be revealed.

1 February 2019 – God gives provision in bits

I was listening to Radio Pulpit and there was an insert by Steven Furtick. I tried to find the clip, but could not.  He was talking about God liking us, though we sometimes think He doesn’t. And that He sometimes gives His provision is bits and not necessarily all at one time.  It felt so applicable to my life, as though God was giving me tiny little bits at a time, as opposed to everything in one go.  As frustrating as it seems, God knows best and we should trust Him.

7 February 2019 – Grandpa Peter and quiet time

Out of the blue, I had a flashback of my childhood. Jess and I stayed at Grandpa and Grandma’s for the night.  We were very little – I was perhaps four or five years old.  I remember Grandpa Peter getting us ready to go out for quiet time.  My grandfather was a pastor.

It was very early, still dark. I remember feeling excited for going out so early and the place we were going.  There is a pan called Flamingo Pan – named after the flamingo’s that would come there – and it is situated on the outskirts of Welkom.  It was a favourite place to hang out and enjoy some of nature.  The Flamingo’s would fly in and we could watch them for hours, scrounging in the water for something to eat.  Their long legs seemingly bending the wrong way around.  The water smelled salty, the air was clean and the sky was clear.

Sadly over the years, due to pollution, the flamingo’s stopped going to these pans and the area also became highly unsafe.

That morning we arrived whilst it was still dark. We found a log to sit on and my sister and I each sat on Granddad’s side, watching the sunrise as Oupa read from the Bible and prayed.

Even at such a young age, the importance of quiet time was instilled in us. I also find that being in nature – God’s creation – makes it so much easier to experience His closeness.

Though we may not always remember all the little life lessons we are taught, they still form a part of who we are when we grow up. Just as much as we cannot remember every single meal we ate growing up, it still played a part in helping us grow.  The same goes for church sermons.  We may not remember all of them, yet they nourish us spiritually in order to grow.

It is so important when we work with children, to ensure we impart good values and not break their little characters down. The early years are vital to forming their personalities.  For understanding their value and who they are in Christ.  Jesus said:  but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea – Matthew 18:6.

In our societies, there are so many broken children, who grow up to be broken parents, who break their children, who in turn grow up to be broken parents, who break their children. It is a vicious cycle that has to be stopped.

10 February 2019 – Eddie & Ansa

In January I had a meeting with the two founders of New Nation Movement. They suggested that I come in contact with Eddie, who is in the Vaal Triangle and close to me.  I contacted him and had a meeting with him and his wife, Ansa.

These are two really wonderful people to know and it was a blessing for me to have met them.

I told them of the things God had shown me and Eddie mentioned to me that they received a revelation that there will be a short war, which will climax in December 2019. He did tell me how he received the revelation.

At another point, a friend of mine – Willem – told me that SA will experience a short war, around three months long. This he got from a book he has on Siener van Rensburg.  Other than that, I have no further info and have asked to see the message in the book, however, Willem lent it to someone and yet has to get it back.

After having supper with Eddie and Ansa, I went home, having much to think about.

13 February 2019 – Fret not, No Substitute

Just as I turned on the radio, Fanie Coetzer’s insert on Radio Pulpit was on air. He quoted Psalm 37:7 – Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!

Always when I hear this verse, I think of 1 April 2013 when God wrote to me in the clouds, telling me to stop FRETTING and to make room for faith.

The Word for Today mentions that there is no substitute for time with God. A very strong message.

23 February, 1 March, 2 April 2019 – Time to take the Promised Land

There will always be a special place in my heart for the book of Joshua, specifically Joshua 1. God has a plan and Joshua 1 reminds me of it.

On 23 February Bernie Dymet was delivering another weekly session on Joshua and taking the Promised Land. This always reminds me of God’s promises and the Promised Land for His children.  However, the Promised Land did not just fall into their laps.  They had to take it.

“How long, before you take the Promised Land?”

On 1 March on Radio Pulpit, Charles van Onselen was quoting Joshua 1:1 – 11. He said to prepare, get your provisions ready and take the land.

Again on 2 April on Pulpit, Wynand and Janine were quoting Joshua 1:11 saying to get ready to take the land. The Israelites did not know how they were going to achieve it, but that they would.  Just be prepared.

After that a song by Juanita du Plessis played – Staan in Sy Naam (Stand in His Name). The words, translated directly to English, says:  shall we go take the Promised Land.

Sometimes when God repeats a message to me several times, it feels like either He is reminding me to strengthen me or He is reminding me because I am missing something. Only through prayer, will He shed light and clarity on the subject.

27 February 2019, 4 March 2019 – Wake up!

Johann Els was talking to a lady named Retha on Radio Pulpit. She was saying that it is time for Christians to wake up!  The Bride has to wake up!

During my study of Revelation, I was at chapter 2:2 & 3, in which Jesus urges the church to wake up. “Wake up, and strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God. Remember, then, what you received and heard. Keep it, and repent. If you will not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what hour I will come against you.” Rev 3:2, 3.  This is an urgent warning to the body of Christ, the church.

Many times I also feel as though most Christians are in a state of slumber. The luke warm, careless attitudes frighten me.  Do they not realise that they will be spat out!

If you are a Christian, reading this, please be sure that you are right with God. That you have accepted Jesus as your Saviour and have allowed Him to fully sit on the throne of your heart.  And that you are BORN AGAIN.  Because if you are not, you will not even see the Kingdom, let alone enter it.

28 February 2019 – The Dead Are Alive

In the past I have heard of the book The Dead Are Alive and the last James Bond movie, Spectre starts with the text The Dead Are Alive.

I was working through a series, where this book came up again and I Googled the info. I was shocked to see how Christian theologians spoke directly against the Word of God.  Ecclesiastes 9:5  For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten.

The deception runs very deep and Christians should pray for discernment. If Christians cannot discern in the smaller things, how will they discern the bigger things, such as the anti-Christ?

4 March 2019 – God will restore

Reading through a small daily devotional, I came across Joel 2:25 where God says:  I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.

Years ago, when I read this verse for what seems like the first time, the Lord instilled in my heart that He will make up all these long years that I have been waiting, as a late bloomer, for life to happen.

Reading it again on this day, was a welcome reminder of that fact.

6 March 2019 – Married at 49

Most women will understand the desire for a husband. Especially if they have never been married and are climbing in age.

I am not so much concerned about my age, God has preserved me fairly okay. But the loneliness at times becomes unbearable.  Especially the last almost three years.  Waiting and praying for my God-given husband, seeing no progress, no interest.

I have tried another relationship, but that was wrong from the get-go. Besides, it was not fair being in a relationship with one man whilst praying and longing for another.  It only lasted a month and a half by the time I ended it.

On this day, a woman named Lori spoke on the Focus on the Family insert on Radio Pulpit. She only got married at 49.  “Oh Lord, please don’t let me have to wait until 49 before I can get married”, I gasped.  Don’t think I could survive that.

But then Lori said a very important thing: “Serve God with what you have”.  Whilst waiting, be busy with the business of the Lord.  All good things are worth waiting for and sometimes the longer we wait, the chances are that that which we are waiting for, will be an amazing gift from God.

27 February, 7, 24 March 2019 – I am

On 27 February Johann Els of Radio Pulpit was talking to Darryl Hardy about I am, The Story.  He said that SA is going into a new chapter and that our hearts have hardened and that we have to stop it immediately, by sharing the Gospel.

On 7 March on Pulpit, Bertha le Roux was speaking to Hannetjie Pretorius about marriage. Hannetjie was reading a list of qualities and she started each one with “I am”.

A few days before this, over the span of several days, an advertisement was playing which was recorded by the Tswane Mayor Stevens Mokgalapa. He started the ad with “I am” and listed several of his attributes as well as his title.  This ad was done in both English and Afrikaans and I had much appreciation for his speaking in my mother tongue.

On 24 March on Pulpit, Jannie Pelser was saying that “I am not my qualification”. “I am not my results” He listed a few more “I am’s” and then said:  “I am a child of the living God.”  He also spoke of each of our roles because God gave us a purpose.

The significance of I am to me, is this: not long after God had shown me my calling, I had written my speech on a serviette – around 2013 – and the speech was titled:  I am.

With all the I am’s that popped up over this period and remembering my conversation with Tessa in January, it felt like God was strengthening my faith in my purpose.

10 March 2019 – Confirming His Promises

This morning, I was listening to Tyrell Haag on Radio Pulpit and he was telling of how God asked Sarah why she laughed and her response that she did not and God responding that she did.

This was yet another reminder of my calling, as it is exactly what happened to me, when God revealed my calling to me.

God has been gracious in strengthening my faith over these months.

18 March 2019 – God’s Law vs Mosaic Law

I had watched a video by a Pastor Louis Jordaan who was explaining the difference between God’s law and the Mosaic Law.

This very important teaching will be loaded in the Teachings section of this site, soon as I can locate it.

21 March 2019 – An unexpected hug

As I walked into the nail shop a little boy named Adriaan, whom I have never seen before, jumped up and with great excitement and joy came over to me, a complete stranger and gave me a huge hug. It was so unexpected and endearing, that I almost wanted to cry.  Could only hug him back.

It makes me think of how the little children went to Jesus and how they must have known in their little spirits, how much they needed Him.

In the same way, we are to portray Jesus, so that little children will want to hang out with us and give us hugs and want to know about this Christ in us.

27 March 2019 – God’s Promises … continues

On this day, I just got out of the shower and did not hear who the speaker on Radio Pulpit was but – I think it was a he – said: “you are closer to your promise than you know”.

After that a song played, of which I do not know the title or artist, but some of the words in the song were “don’t ever doubt, hold on, promises”

31 March 2019 – Blue Chalcedony: a miracle stone

With God’s prominent reminders of His promises, I had made up my mind to find a blue chalcedony stone to wear as a reminder daily of His promises. I was not sure if I will make earrings if I find two, or a necklace or a ring.  I specifically wanted blue as it was with regards to the dream my sister had about me wearing a blue blouse made of stone (blue chalcedony) and Siener van Rensburg’s prophesy of me, wearing a garment between blue and white.

On this morning, I asked Hester who has a stall next to us at the flea market, if she has a blue chalcedony stone in her stock. She sells gem stones amongst other things.  She assured me that she does not have a chalcedony stone in any of her four buckets, nor at home or anywhere in her stock.  Plus she added that they are difficult to find but that she will look out for me for one.

Feeling a bit disappointed, I told her that it was a little urgent and that I really wanted one.

About an hour after that, my sister sent me a picture of a stone, thinking it could have been the one she referred to years ago. Not having access to the internet at the time, limited her options.  Her message actually came as a surprise that morning on which I made up my mind to get a stone, as I had last spoken to her about the stone, two weeks prior.  So her message was out of the blue that very morning.

About an hour after that, Hester came walking to me with a small stone in her hand saying: “I just want to show you this, but I cannot give it to you because it belongs to that gentleman.”  I had seen the man standing there for probably an hour sifting through the buckets.

Hester continued: “That man lifted this stone up and asked me:  isn’t this a blue chalcedony? Which it is and I brought it for you to see.”

I took the stone from her and had a close look at it. Then I walked over to the man and asked him:  “Sir, please may I have this stone?  I asked Hester this morning for a blue chalcedony and she was sure she did not have any.  Please may I have it?”

With a gesture of his hand, he indicated that I may. I turned to Hester and asked her what I owe her for it and she made the same hand gesture.  I was so happy.

Out of all the colours of chalcedony that exist, a blue one was found in one of four buckets where the seller was sure there would not be one. I on the other hand, am convinced that God placed it there, just for me.  In the same way the disciples fished all night long, catching nothing.  Then on the word of Jesus, cast their nets on the other side with such a great catch, that their boat almost sank.

God is good!

Hester then told me to go to Snyman Jewellers to find out what they would ask me to set the stone. I had decided to make a ring, which I will wear on my wedding ring finger.  It will constantly be visible to me, unlike earrings or a necklace and a constant reminder of God’s promises to me.  And on my wedding day, my husband will take this ring off and put it on the other hand thus becoming a partaker in all God’s promises to me.  After which he will put my wedding ring on, which is one of the many promises God made me: a wonderful, loving, God-fearing, God-loving husband.

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